Okay so maybe copy pasting into a cut link is just a bitch in general. SORRY THIS IS GOING TO BE BIG BUT OH WEL
The following is a sample of a story that Petra will write if 100 people sign an online petition. There will be crazy people. There will be zombies. There will be slash.
“Are we crazy? I mean, this is crazy, right, I mean, fuck, zombies. There’s no way this is real.”
“Of course we’re crazy. Look where we are. But this is still real.”
A third voice, timorous and small: “Oh, gosh, I just don’t want to die.”
“We’re not going to die.” With conviction. “All of us, we’re going to survive. We’re going to live.”
The distance of a room away, Jamie twitched as he passed a lit cigarette back to his fellow eavesdropping voyeur. He paused a beat, then asked, “Why’s that guy talking to himself?”
“Dude’s got DID. D-something Identity Disorder.” Alfonse shrugged. “Two of the he’s are actually she’s and one of him’s a three-year-old.” He took a drag and breathed out smoke, grinning suddenly. “Which gets interesting with a pedophile in the ward.”
Jamie looked at him strangely. “A... pedophile.”
Alfonse laughed at the look on his face, shaking his head and saying, “No, nothing like that, one of the other personalities always takes over before something can happen, it’s just when they do take over, the beat down is hilarious to watch. Sometimes there’s blood.”
Jamie blinked and twitched simultaneously, well on his way to developing a zombie-induced tic of epic proportions. Outside the darkened window he could see dark shapes lumbering slowly, yet inexorably, gathering on the ground. He briefly considered joining them. But at least the monsters inside were human. He glanced sidelong at the still-chuckling, gleefully sadistic Alfonse. Well, debatably.
Jamie was sleeping the sleep of the undead-killing righteous when a loud bang and sudden screech startled him awake, someone screaming, “THEY’VE MADE IT PAST THE FIRST BARRICADES, THE ZOMBIES, THEY’RE COMING!”
Adrenaline jolted him off the sofa and to his feet, his eyes snapping open and his hands tightening into fists. In the center of the room, doubled over and drawing attention, was a teen boy Jamie vaguely remembered as having beheaded a zombie with a broken off chair leg swung like a bat during one of the initial skirmishes. Ringed around him, the other inmates blinked with bemused weariness. Jamie twitched. If this was their standard reaction time to crises they were statistically dead already. Maybe if they all collectively went off their meds they would have a better chance.
“THEY’RE COMING UP THE STAIRS! WE’RE ALL GOING TO DIE!”
The boy clawed at his face with animal panic while around him his fellows started to chuckle. Jamie twitched again. If this was what they were like on drugs, maybe he didn’t want to see them off.
Alfonse turned slightly from the group, sighting Jamie awake and alert, and broke off from the main group, a massive hulking man following. “Yo,” he called in sotto voce sing-song.
Jamie met them halfway, jittery nerves jangling low in his belly, and jerked his head to the boy who was now screaming, “NO REALLY OH GOD THEY’RE ALMOST HERE CAN’T YOU HEAR THEM –“ while his spectators began to outright laugh. Jamie asked, stress making his voice pitch high, “Shouldn’t we be, I don’t know, getting into fucking defensive positions?”
“Haha, zombies, no,” Alfonse shook his head, tone fondly ludicrous, as if the idea of zombies was ridiculous despite having helped fight off a horde of them just a few hours ago. He clarified, “Matty’s a compulsive liar – this is just one of his episodes.” The hulk behind him grumbled out a low laugh. “You can tell he’s having one by the supporting details he makes up, like, you know, having barricades.”
Jamie twitched, looked over at the chortling crowd (Matty now gasping for breath and falling to his knees as he shrieked, “NO ONE’S BRAIN IS SAFE.”), and sighed. “I don’t know if I should be glad there isn’t a zombie attack, or worried that we don’t have any barricades in case one happens.”
“Haha,” Alfonse laughed, cheerful. “I like how you’re not even worried that one of our main sentries is a compulsive liar.”
Jamie paled and twitched and muttered, “Oh God,” while in the distance Matty collapsed foaming at the mouth.
This story needs to get written, yes? Sign the petition.